The Unsettled Woman: 5 Steps to Overcome

Hey Sis!

Are you ready to dive into this? I am, so let’s jump in. I know looking at the title of this blog it may seem that this post is going to be about single women, but it isn’t. Believe it or not there are so many women in committed relationships that are unsettled too. Not necessarily from a relationship standpoint, but from different areas of her life. Before we begin to discuss and describe what an unsettled woman is, let us first look at the definition.

Now, I tried my best to choose one or two different definitions, but the more I read its meaning, the deeper it got. Dictionary.com defines it this way:

: not settled; not fixed or stable; without established order; unorganized; disorganized

: continuously moving or changing; not situated in one place

: wavering or uncertain; as in opinions or behavior; erratic

: undetermined, as a point at issue; undecided; doubtful

: not adjusted, closed, or disposed of, as an account, estate or law case

: liable to change; inconstant; variable

WHEW…y’all still with me? Have you gone through or are currently going through a season of being unsettled? I know I have. Being unsettled is very uncomfortable. It’s either you’re in a situation that includes other factors or other people; or you can’t reach that goal because what’s needed is out of reach, or beyond your control. We know that we’re supposed to be doing something, but not putting our best foot forward to get it done. Therefore, deep down inside we’re uneasy. Whichever one it is, just know that there is a way out.

Here’s 5 ways to help you to become UNSETTLED:

#1 PRAY

I’m not going to get super deep with this one because it’s self-explanatory. But a few of you may ask, “what do I pray for specifically?” My response to that is, “whatever it is that you are unsettled about.” If it’s a relationship…pray about it. If it’s a job that you want out of, or a job that you desire but don’t feel qualified for…pray about it. If it’s something that you should be doing, such as working on your business plan…pray about it as well. Consult God for whatever it is that you stand in need of. Understand that you can’t make it on your own. Let God work things out for you.

#2 (and #1) TAKE RESPONSIBILITY

Figure out what part you played in the situation. To avoid taking responsibility for what’s making us unsettled, we would rather blame someone or something for why we are in this predicament in the first place. Yes, there are times when that someone or something could be the cause of why a particular situation unfolded. However, I would go out on the limb and say that in most, if not every situation that we are in, there are red flags trying to get our attention. We ignore the signs and keep moving forward as if all is indeed well. Think about it!!! When you should have pumped the breaks in a situation and looked at the matter and said, “something is a little off and it needs to be addressed!” We become so infatuated with people and things that we’re not totally in tune with what we’re involved in. So, instead of pointing the finger at the person or what the situation contributed, we should begin to understand FULLY our own role that played out in the matter as well.

#3 (and #1) WRITE IT OUT

After you have finished rolling your eyes at me about what I recommended in #2 (I still love you), get a notebook and pen and begin to write down what it is that you are unsettled about. Sometimes we have things in our heads and it seems so overwhelming, but when we put it on paper, we can see for ourselves what our thoughts actually look like. I love this exercise because it allows me to categorize my thoughts and decipher what’s important and what isn’t. What’s worth me being concerned about and what isn’t worth my time at all! There have even been times where I wrote out what I was feeling unsettled about, it didn’t make any sense…LOL!!! I know that sounds strange, but occasionally I have allowed a situation to make me so uneasy that when I wrote it out and read over it, I would say to myself, “Girl you trippin’ over that?” Then I was able to move accordingly. So, get those thoughts out of your head and focus on the things that matter.

#4 (and #1) PRIORITIZE

Once you’ve written down your thoughts and you’ve determined what’s important and what isn’t, begin to prioritize them. Decide what needs to be settled right away and what is going to take more time to figure out. Once you have prioritized your thoughts, make a list of 2-3 possible solutions to each problem and how they benefit YOU. I want to make that point very clear because so many times when deciding, we focus so much on creating solutions to benefit the other person, people, or situation. We totally forget about ourselves and then we’re back to square one. Now, if your unsettledness consists of whether you should feed the kids or buy that new Birkin bag, then I would suggest you rip this paper up and start all over again ‘cause you totally missed the point…LOL!!! But I want to remind you that considering you and your feelings is not a selfish act. You, how you feel, and what you think matters too!!!

#5 (and #1) EXECUTE & STAY COMMITTED TO THE PROCESS

This final step is very crucial because it allows you to begin to put your well-defined plan into action. Begin to test them out and see what the outcome will be. Your problem may be solved right away, or it may take a couple of trial runs to get it right. Whatever you do, stay committed to the process.

Now, let me make myself very clear with this final note before I close this blog out. Understand that the very thing that you desire in the end may not be what you end up with. What do mean Tamika? If you notice in each of the following steps after the first one, I noted for you to do the next step along with Step #1. Why? Glad you asked. Sometimes what we desire may not be what is necessarily good for us. We may have great intentions, but what we ultimately need is at the hands of God. So, if you are following each step diligently, you are allowing God to guide you along the way. Earlier this week a good sister-girlfriend quoted Psalm 37:4 to me, which says, “Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart.” She then said, “that scripture is not only talking about the desires that you have for yourself, but the desires that God will impart inside of you.” He can move more diligently in your life when your desires match His. So, allow God to guide you and direct you along the way.

Love Always,

Tamika

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