Love the One You're With

Loving or showing love to others can be one of the most important actions you can do in life. You pour your heart into everything they do, who they are and even who they are becoming. Everything they have desired from you; you were able to come through on it. When they needed the applause, your hands clapped the loudest. When they needed an audience, you were front row and center. Whenever they needed a shoulder to cry on, your shirt became their handkerchief. And when they wanted to get something off of their chest, your ears took the brunt of the beating. You gave them your all. All of your time. All of your peace. All of your attention. All of your support. All of your resources. ALL…OF…YOU!!! You did all of this out of love.

Then the time comes when you’re standing face to face with the one who constantly gets overlooked. She covers up her despair with makeup and fancy clothes. She’s heartbroken, but still forces a smile on her face so that no one can see her pain. She wakes up with her fears and goes to bed with her doubts. She has a quiet disposition, but her heart constantly hears the screams echoing because of the emptiness that dwells inside of her. Time and time again, she poured so much of her love into others that she forgot that she needed love too. Not from those around her, but from YOU!

So many of us put ourselves on the back burner and wonder why we have so many possessions but are still not fulfilled or we’re looking for someone else to fulfill us. The answer to that is we willingly give away to others the very thing we need to give to ourselves. We convince ourselves that things or people are what fulfill us, and we don’t realize that everything that we gave away was what fueled us, especially love. No one has taught them how to hold on to the very thing that will sustain them, will carry them through life and will be the answer to all of their problems. So many of us desire to be in friendships, relationships or situationships looking for the other person or people to fuel us, but what happens when they’re empty too? How can two empty vessels pour into one another? They can’t. This is one of the reasons so many of our relationships are not successful. You have empty vessels trying to pour empty promises into other empty people and the relationship ends because both of you reached a point where you weren’t able to give one another what you both needed. When all along neither of you had the right tools to offer.

So how do you keep your vessels full while still having enough to give away:

#1: Give to Yourself First

You can’t pour from an empty cup. How do you do this? Through prayer. When you’re lacking what you need God is your source and your portion. Whatever it is that you need He can provide.

#2: Give Yourself Some Grace

Understand that you can’t do it or give it all. Just as I mentioned previously. God is our source. Don’t stretch yourself so thin that you become worn. Just like you asked God to fill you up, pray the same prayer for someone else. Ask God to give them what they need. It doesn’t necessarily have to come through you.

#3: Give Yourself A Pep Talk

When you’re beginning to feel depleted, you have to give yourself some words of encouragement. Donald Lawrence has a song called “Encourage Yourself” that “I think is very profound for situations like this. The first verse of that song says:

Sometimes you have to encourage yourself

Sometimes you have to speak victory during the test

And no matter how you feel, speak the word and you will be healed

Speak over yourself, encourage yourself in the Lord

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with helping or giving to others, but when it comes at the expense of your love, joy and peace you have to ask yourself, “is this worth it?” If it is, then be sure that you have something in your vessel before you pour into someone else’s. But if it isn’t, ask God to help them to get whatever it is that they need. Praying for them is still pouring into them.

“Talk to yourself like someone you love.” ~ Brene Brown

Love Always,

Tamika