LADIES….I know that this has been a subject that has been talked about until we’re blue in the face, but
I would like to address it just one more time for the sake of looking at it from a different point of view.
While some of us believe that chivalry is still yet alive and well, there are some of us that believe it has died, had a beautiful homegoing service, was buried at a well-kept grave site with a fabulous headstone and is NEVER. COMING. BACK.
…But can I challenge that thought for a moment with a question? Is chivalry really dead or do we no longer recognize it? Is our wall of being an “independent woman” so high that we can’t see it when it approaches us? Have we labeled it as corny because it didn’t come with the “relationship goals” of a first-class plane ticket, an all-inclusive vacation, a Birkin bag and a pair of Christian Louboutin shoes? Or, out of desperation of being with someone, have we lowered out standards and accepted the first guy that caught our attention with a pickup line like, “Grand rising my beautiful Queen! Thank you for waking up and smiling this morning. Because of you the sun is shining bright”? Whichever one it is, or any others that have not been mentioned, we must realize that as women we must recognize what role we play in this as well. While this is not letting men totally off the hook because they play a role in this behavior change, but I believe that we play an equal role in it as well. The things that we have learned to accept, to reject or to totally ignore over time played a major part in this behavior change.
Here’s a simple example of what I’m talking about. I was at church last Sunday and I had a couple of bags to carry, light and manageable bags might I add. And two young gentlemen agreed to help me carry my bags to my car and I declined them both. They even asked, “are you sure?” and I replied, “No, I got it. The bags are really light, but thanks anyway.” Now, before I go any further, I just wanted to point out that both of these gentlemen are like brothers to me and they’re always looking out for me. So, if it was a completely empty bag they would have still offered. So, the moment I declined their offer, my awesome Pastor said to me, “when you have Christian young men who want to help you with your bags, you let them help you.” I then said, “you’re right Pastor.” Now, before we oppose the question, “so if they’re not a Christian man we should ignore them?” I’m not saying that at all. Due to me having a father/daughter relationship with my Pastor, he was speaking to ME specifically in that moment helping me to recognize the genuine help from a man, specifically a Christian man, when I experience it.
So many of us have done what I did on numerous occasions. I totally get it. When you have gone through life being “HEY MA”, “HEY GREEN DRESS” or “YO THICK THIGHS! COME HERE” to death by so many different men, you don’t want to give any man the time of day. But when we totally shut out every man, including some that just genuinely want to help us, because we don’t know what their intentions are, we are doing ourselves a disservice. No, I didn’t need help with my bags, but would it have killed me to allow a couple of gentlemen to help me, even just a little bit. Now, I know that this situation is a little different because I knew the gentlemen that wanted to help me, and I know that it’s challenging to trust some men because of all of the crazy things that are going on in this world. However, I want to charge you to do your best to recognize when chivalry is present. We can’t be so caught up in our hurt and disappointment so much that we give every man we encounter the “BACK OFF” vibe.
I want to assure you that there are genuine men out here that still believe in chivalry. We just have to let our guards down long enough to recognize it when we see it, but also understand what vibes we give off when we experience it.
After having the chivalry discussion with a few of my guy friends who are true gentlemen, they are experiencing hurt and rejection when they express it. Some of them have mentioned that when they have been chivalrous to a woman, as simple as holding a door for her, she’ll either walk to another door and open it herself or get hit with a “I don’t need a man to hold the door for me. I can do it myself.” Some of my male friends have withdrawn from being kind in those particular situations because men don’t like being rejected ladies, especially when all he was trying to do is be helpful. And let me make this point. Some of the same women that reject a man from being chivalrous are the same ones that are crying in their group chats, social media pages and during their girl’s night out that there aren’t any good men out here. Well suga, maybe if you would have walked through that door that man held for you and looked him in his eyes and said “thank you”, then just maybe you would have a new friend to get to know. Just saying!
So, in closing I just wanted to let you ladies know that chivalry is still alive and well. Change your surroundings, the place you shop, eat or hang out at and maybe, just maybe, you’ll experience the very thing you have been yearning for. It’s definitely still out there.
Love Always,
Tamika
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